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FLUSH GAME OR THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO HENRY MILLER

 

 

NUMBER 1

 

NUMBER 2

 

HENRY

 

JUNE

 

VOICE

 

Setting, lighting, costumes, choreography, makeup: out of this world. Flush chamber, funky toilet shaped throne on a pyramidal platform, chain hanging out from "nowhere," star clock with mysterious symbols but no hands, and triptych hovering over the throne.

An encounter of the fourth kind is heard in the dark. The star clock flashes in crescendo, then stops. The chain begins to flash. Number 2 dances with feigned enthusiasm.

 

NUMBER 2:   Beyond time, beyond kissing assÉ

NUMBER 1:   I flush souls into flesh—in lumps!

(Number 1 pulls the chain, which makes a toilet flush sound. The chain stops flashing, the chamber begins to flash.)

NUMBER 1:   The flush is in full spinÉ

NUMBER 2:   No purpose may seemÉ

NUMBER 1:   But no bull!

NUMBER 2:   Number 1's triptych to allÉ

NUMBER 1:   Value Thy Flesh!

(ŅValue Thy Flesh!Ó is flashed on the triptych. The clock and the chamber cease to flash. Number 2 stops dancing.)

NUMBER 2:   Boredom is the damnation of the Universe.

(Pause.)

NUMBER 2:   What do we do now, Number 1?

NUMBER 1:   Infinity of things. Take your pick.

NUMBER 2:   Infinite choices, infinite pick.

NUMBER 1:   We can teleport ourselves to Lucifer Nova and see what they're up to.

NUMBER 2:   It's not as fun as it used to be.

NUMBER 1:   True. We can enjoy a celestial feast catered by folk-dancing hermaphrodites.

NUMBER 2:   It gives me celestial farts.

NUMBER 1:   Tell me about it! We can go on a search-and-kick-ass mission throughout the Universe.

NUMBER 2:   Once we kicked a terrestrial on the cross and earth has never been the same since.

NUMBER 1:   I don't want to hear about it! What about crashing a flying saucer on the White House lawn and see what theyÕll make out of it? Weather balloon or swamp gas?

NUMBER 2:   We've been better entertained.

NUMBER 1:   I suppose. What if I turn into a steroid-pumping stud and you into a naughty housewife?

NUMBER 2:   We were—a flush ago. I was the sluty housewife.

NUMBER 1:   Was it fun?

NUMBER 2:   No comment.

NUMBER 1:   You're queer today. Nothing pleases you.

NUMBER 2:   I want something new for a change.

NUMBER 1:   How about being the stud?

NUMBER 2:   I was—two flushes ago.

NUMBER 1:   What exactly are you up to?

NUMBER 2:   A cosmic premiere.

NUMBER 1:   Have we overlooked a premiere? I thought we'd exhausted them all.

NUMBER 2:   Not exactly. For instance weÕve never indulged ourselves in a flush game.

NUMBER 1:   Never heard of it.

NUMBER 2:   You know—from no beginning and no end, which is to say beyond time and kissing ass—the souls Number 1 has been flushing from thy celestial throne have never had a say about their fate. It's been like sentencing them for a crime they never committed.

NUMBER 1:   Are you insinuating they've been flushed against their will?

NUMBER 2:   Taking into consideration the apathy and suicide rate throughout the universe—yes.

NUMBER 1:   How many babies have you seen protesting their birth?

NUMBER 2:   They all cry, Number 1.

NUMBER 1:   But it's absurd to give a suckling a choice since it has no concept of life. As you know, every soul undergoes absolute amnesia during the act of birth.

NUMBER 2:   So much the better. The game works best when the subjects have no past life memory, but free will. I mean sucklingless subjects who can think and speak for themselves, free of interference of any kind. All we have to do is tell them what lifeÕs like and what to expect. YouÕll give them the best scenario; IÕll give them the worst, provided they both are within the realm of possibility. You want them flushed; I want them to stay where they are—forever!

NUMBER 1:   ItÕs against the Universal Flush Codex to grant a soul eternal elusive wandering.

NUMBER 2:   You can always make an exception, Number 1.

NUMBER 1:   I can't afford one in a universe where exceptions to the rule become the rule! We can still play the game. But they must go down regardless.

NUMBER 2:   ItÕs no fun.

NUMBER 1:   We can play it for the sake of the experiment.

NUMBER 2:   ItÕs not the same.

NUMBER 1:   I suppose youÕd like an incentive of some sort. Okay, youÕll flush them yourself. 

NUMBER 2:   I will!?

NUMBER 1:   Only if you win the game. 

NUMBER 2:   (Bowing ceremoniously.) Thank you, Number 1! (Yearningly stretches hand toward the chain.) ItÕs such an extraordinary celestial honor.

NUMBER 1:   One time only. In a universe where exceptions to the rule... Shall we begin?

NUMBER 2:   Yes, Number 1. Do I get to pick the bodies? Please let me pick the bodies!

NUMBER 1:   If that excites you--

NUMBER 2:   I prefer the human type.

NUMBER 1:   Any type but human! Life on earth is the least appealing in the universe. It puts me at great disadvantage.

NUMBER 2:   We may as well go for the celestial farts and folk dancing.

(Pause.)

NUMBER 1:   Okay. I hate to cancel a cosmic premiere. It's not something we enjoy from one flush to another.

NUMBER 2:   We cannot afford to be bored.

NUMBER 1:   True.

(NUMBER 1 snaps fingers. The star clock and the chain begin to flash.)

NUMBER 1:   I suppose I can pick the place of birth.

NUMBER 2:   As you wish, Number 1.

(Number 1 pulls the chain. The chain stops flashing. The toilet flush is followed by a brief flashing of the chamber. The clock ceases to flash.)

NUMBER 1:   Two souls have temporarily been committed to random human flesh.

NUMBER 2:   I assume they have clothes on. The game works best without distractions, if I may.

NUMBER 1:   I'll see what I can do. Absolute amnesia is now erasing past lives' memory. They merely possess the faculties of speech and reason of modern day Americans along with their natural gender differences, of course. Here they come—Henry and June. Let's put on the game masks and give them a few earthly minutes to acquaint themselves.

(Number 1 puts on the mask of comedy. Number 2 puts on the mask of tragedy. Henry and June rush out of the flush chamber like panicked aborigines. They stumble into each other, making angry sounds. Number 1's attempt to cover them up is both humorous and sexy.)

NUMBER 2:   Are they supposed to be born in North America or in the Amazon?

NUMBER 1:   IÕm working on it.

(Number 1 snaps fingers. Henry and June walk normally. Lost and confused, they stumble into each other once again.)